My stress bucket has felt like an ember, turning into a smouldering fire and yesterday finally turning into an explosion.

@outdoorperscrip‘s #MadCovidDiaries 6.5.2020 The explosion of the stress bucket So yesterday things sort of unravelled. In mental health services they often like to talk about the stress bucket, how it fills up and you need to find ways of making holes in it to let the water out to stop it from overflowing. Recently my stressContinue reading “My stress bucket has felt like an ember, turning into a smouldering fire and yesterday finally turning into an explosion.”

My OCD: Seeing Red

Hope’s #MadCovidDiaries – 6.5.2020 TW: OCD, sexual abuse, STDs, self-harm, hallucinations, disordered thinking After the recent discourse surrounding OCD and the pandemic— which, in short, seems to be suggesting it is helpful or desirable— I decided that this week I would write about my experience of OCD and why this discourse is harmful. Many membersContinue reading “My OCD: Seeing Red”

Waiting on the Cliff Edge: The crisis of quarantine for the mentally ill.

Retropxssy‘s #MadCovidDiaries TW: Suicide, Anorexia, COVID deaths I feel as though I have been left to die. I am one of the 1 in 4 people in the world affected by a  mental health problem. ‘Normally’, despite diagnoses of complex trauma, anorexia, anxiety and depression, I’m pretty high functioning. A lot of the time, aContinue reading “Waiting on the Cliff Edge: The crisis of quarantine for the mentally ill.”

For my loved one

TW: Abortion, eating distress, health anxiety Hope’s #MadCovidDiaries – 23.4.2020 Thanks for the dance, and the baby you carried It was almost a daughter or a son                                     — Leonard Cohen, Thanks for the Dance, 2019 You don’t like this song, because it makes you think about dying, about saying thank you as a goodbye.Continue reading “For my loved one”

Each week I am having to adjust the food I buy to follow my meal plan. This becomes more complicated when items have been panic bought.

It often feels like I am spending my whole time thinking about food, figuring out how to get items, how to cope with challenging changes to my meal plan and worrying about running out of things. TW: Anorexia, restraint, suicide, detention, benzodiazepine withdrawal   @outdoorperscrip’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.4.2020 I sit on my sofa and refresh the TescoContinue reading “Each week I am having to adjust the food I buy to follow my meal plan. This becomes more complicated when items have been panic bought.”

COVID19 has created a sense of time between my recent trauma, and the collective trauma we’re going through right now. It’s pulled me intensely, and forcefully, into the present moment.

  Ellie’s #MadCovidDiaries #Midnight Waffles 25.4.2020 This diary, ‘midnight waffles’, started a couple of weeks before the lockdown, having recently escaped a mental health services blackhole somewhere near South London and Maudsley hospital. I was completely run into the ground having spent 3 years fighting for my patient rights – feeling like I’d been trapped in aContinue reading “COVID19 has created a sense of time between my recent trauma, and the collective trauma we’re going through right now. It’s pulled me intensely, and forcefully, into the present moment.”

I forget that whilst the NHS hasn’t shown any real care or concern for my wellbeing over the last 4 years, i’m still ‘severely disabled’.

  Ellie’s #MadCovidDiaries #Midnight Waffles 8.3.2020 My moods picked up a bit over the last couple of days, thank fuck my period’s over, although i’m reaching peak boredom. I’m missing other people. I want to give Dad a hug, or sit in the sun with a friend and waffle about something joyfully irrelevant. Spending weeks on endContinue reading “I forget that whilst the NHS hasn’t shown any real care or concern for my wellbeing over the last 4 years, i’m still ‘severely disabled’.”

Unless the cheese completely slides off my cracker, help ain’t coming.

  Ellie’s #MadCovidDiary #Midnight Waffles 30.3.2020 The last few days i’ve been conscious of being very blasé when people ask how i’m doing. I say almost exactly the same thing every time; “ups and downs but, y’know, generally alright.” I don’t know why i keep avoiding giving a meaningful response. I guess it seems a bit futile.Continue reading “Unless the cheese completely slides off my cracker, help ain’t coming.”

The world’s fallen into what feels like a dystopian nightmare

TW: Eating Disorders / Distress. Eleanor’s #MadCovidDiary 21.3.2020 The world’s fallen into what feels like a dystopian nightmare. Everything’s shutting down, nobody wants to go outside, and the tories are actually dolling out cash. Not enough, obviously, and there’s fuck all in terms of guidance or provisions for people with mental health conditions, as usual,Continue reading “The world’s fallen into what feels like a dystopian nightmare”